Now we're well into the summer, I wonder how your lockdown goals are going. I wonder if your house is thoroughly decluttered, your Italian almost fluent and your garden is looking gorgeous, and of course your children (if you have them) are getting loads of attention because of course you’re totally on top of online school?! Have you also lost weight, got really fit and learnt a bunch of new super healthy recipes, all whilst launching your side hustle and meditating daily? 

Or maybe not. If it sounds unrealistic that all of that might have happened, then you’re right! Setting unobtainable goals is a form of self-sabotage. 

It can be such a horrible place to be, when you've had the very best intentions and genuinely desire to make change, but something has gone wrong and you aren't on track at all. Maybe that bottle of wine a night is still happening because you feel overwhelmed and like you want to check out at the end of each day, chocolate still seems to make its way into your online order in large quantities (and then all be eaten by mid-week), or perhaps getting important things done in plenty of time rather than very last minute is still not happening. 

When this happens, your self-trust gets trashed. Broken promises are always keenly felt. Your inner dialogue becomes mean and critical, because not being on track, or not keeping up with what everyone else is proudly showing off about on social media, are proof of your inadequacy as a human and you deserve to be reminded over and over. Urgh. 

'You'll never get there, don't even bother trying. Have another glass of wine/buy another dress/don’t ever try to meet someone new or tell anyone how you really feel...' it says gleefully. 

Welcome to the world of self-sabotage, where your behaviour is getting in the way of you achieving what you want, creating the life you want and feeling really good about yourself. 

One of the ickiest things about self-sabotage is that it can make you feel ashamed, like you 'should' know or do better, and you're a bad person or a failure for behaving this way. You don't want anyone to know, and you isolate and put on a brave face. This feeling can lead to more negative self-talk, more self-sabotage, and the spiral continues. 

I know from all the work I've done on myself and all the clients I've worked with over the years that self-sabotage is closely linked to low self-worth. Strong self-belief and self-sabotage are generally mutually exclusive. 

Would you like to understand more about self-sabotage so that you can put a stop to it and feel back in control of where you're going in life? 

Wouldn't that be fantastic, to get where you want to be, put two fingers up to that voice in your head that says you're not good enough and should give up. Let's replace it with 'I'll show you, watch me...' 

This Thursday I'm giving a FREE webinar exploring self-sabotage, its link to self-worth and how you break free and have the life and success you really want. Why not join me from the comfort of your sofa, open yourself up to some powerful lightbulb moments and get on track with where you want to be. Goodbye self-doubt, overwhelm and disempowering patterns, hello confidence, wellbeing and success. 

Join award multi winning speaker and coach Harriet Waley-Cohen to dive into these topics in an interactive webinar. Bring a notebook.

Harriet Waley-Cohen

Hunted down to speak for audiences including Microsoft, Barclays and Invesco, Harriet has empowered thousands of people over the last 15 years to believe in themselves and their potential.

She has been through multiple transformations herself and knows what it takes to make deep rooted changes that stick, and to get through tough times and emerge and wiser. Harriet is 17 years in recovery from addictions, left an unhappy marriage and went on to thrive, shifted from a 10-year banking career into motherhood and entrepreneurship, lives with a permanent pain condition after being driven into on the motorway, and is a breast cancer survivor.

Harriet's mission is to make sure people know their true value. She empowers clients and audiences to leave behind self-doubt, disempowering patterns and overwhelm in favour of new ways of thinking, feeling and acting that create confidence, wellbeing and success. Vanessa Vallely OBE, MD of WeAreThe City describes Harriet as ‘a real superwoman who empowers others wherever she goes.’